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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  May 10, 2016 2:10am-2:41am PDT

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and topped with two slices of cherrywood-smoked bacon and cheese all on a freshly baked croissant. america runs on dunkin'. >> trevor: that's all we have time for, here is your moment of zen. >> lindsay graham, he knows less about the military tan my ten year old son baron. baron plays military soldiers. he knows about the military-- he said i've inbeen fighting isis for many years, how dare donald trump tell me what to do.
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captioning sponsored by comedy central [applause] >> larry: thank you very much. thank you. so kind. welcome. thank you very much. welcome to "the nightly show." i'm larry wilmore and so guys commencement season is upon us. and at the historically black university of howard this weekend students heard uplifting words from the country's president and quoted academic scholars. >> as larry wilmore pointed out
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last week -- >> larry: what? all right, mr. president. so you're quoting what i said last week now. wait, no, no. which part are you quoting. >> larry wilmore pointed out last week a lot of folks didn't even think blacks had the tools to be a quarterback. >> larry: i'm glad he went with the quarterback. i thought he was going to call the entire graduating class his -- well, let's just say i'm glad he didn't do that. that wouldn't have been good, man. all right. oh, by the way. this is true. look at how my name was listed in a transcript of obama's speech. this is true. larry wal-mart. seriously? a brother can't get any respect.
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incidentally, larry wal-mart is what i call myself when i go scoot'in. believe it or not obama's entire speech wasn't about me. no, it's true. it's hard to believe. i agree. no, he laid out a case to how much race relations have improve improved since he was in school. >> my father may not have been served in a restaurant there were if you black ceo as and judges. >> larry: who was sitting on afternoon syndicated legal shows? but truthfully it was a very inspiring speech. your first black president speaking at a historically black
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university. he gave them this bit of advice. >> being confident in your blackness. >> larry: ooh. go be confident in your black minutes. okay. how confident are we talking? on the scale of raven symone and nina how much? i'm just trying to get a -- but i have to say the president's speech was very moving which means it didn't take long for fox news to hate it. >> this is divisive if mitt romney went to byu and said be confident in your whiteness people would have said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. >> larry: be confident in your whiteness? first will off that's stupid. why mitt romney do that to his friends and models? why would he do that? he would never do that. and why must you make me explain
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this to you? telling black graduates is important to be confident in their blackness because we've been ashamed of it. white people don't need encouragement because before obama was president america always told them they wan hold positions much power or ride in front of busses or for a few centuries have their own black people. i don't understand how fox news doesn't understand black people have had a different relationship. we turn from obama's blackening of college students to the unblackening of the white house. so now donald trump is trying to get his polls to rise with the ladies. i'm sorry.
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no, i'm sorry. donald trump's upside-down with women -- ooh, no, i can't get that out of my head. okay. donald trump is trying to make the case that he is the lady's man, not hillary clinton. >> she's married to a man who hurt many women. in the history of politics -- in the history politics hillary clinton's husband abused women more than any man that we know of. >> larry: oh, my god. in the history of politics? not even u.s. history but worse than genghis khan. idi amin ate people. first, you can't blame hilary for her husband's mistakes, can you? >> hilary was an enabler.
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>> larry: if by enabler you mean victim i think away agree. and who is donald trump to be lecturing anyone on women between rosie o'donnell and megan kelly. he's not woke on feminism. here to explain himself is donald trump. >> thank you for having me, larry. by the way, happy mother's day to all the mothers out there except the unbelievably mean, nasty enabler ones. >> larry: see, that's completely uncalled for. listen, why are you blaming hillary clinton for what her husband did? >> larry, this election is a clear choice between someone who treats women with class and the horrible clintons. i mean they're nasty. they're terrible people
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i said that even back when i gave them lots of money. >> larry: okay. how can you say that? i don't know how that's coming out of your mouth. you're in your third marriage and in your book you bragged about infidelities. >> when your mistresses are unbelievably hot as mines -- and that are, you don't keep that to yourself. i'm not selfish. >> larry: this is what i'm talking about, see. i don't know how you can say you're better at treating women than hilary when you say horrible things like this. >> excuse me, i treat my wives horribly. there's a difference. when they're not my wives i treat them like queens. i mean, every year for christmas and i do mean christmas not holidays, my mistresses and exes get a box of trump steaks. and a beautiful off-brand flat
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screen tv. >> larry: i'm sure they appreciate it. let's get back to hilary, how is she enabler? isn't she a victim. >> the victims are bill's mistresses. i mean, do they get steaks? i don't think so and i could have gotten him a bulk discount. believe me, i'm very good at this. >> larry: nobody want a bulk discount on your steaks. how can bringing this up be a good election strategy. you've said horrible things about every woman you've come across. >> not true, my daughter, ivanka it's like god created an angel. angel to have sex with. obviously i can't have sex with her because you know, i'm running for president. >> larry: okay. that's completely disgusting. donald trump everybody. we'll be right back.
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[cheers and applause] >> larry: welcome back. thank you very much. okay, guys. alarming medical news and no, they still don't know what's going on with my halle berry-shaped rash. it's growing on me, literally. but this medical news is just as shocking. >> officials say almost a third
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of all antibiotics prescribed in the u.s. have not necessary. a new report from the cdc says they're leading to the rise of drug-resistant superbugs. >> >> larry: ooh, and they don't mean the cockroaches in my apartment addicted to meth. they mean directs for prescribing them. it's time to look into our nightly show microscope and please welcome an antibiotic and antibiotic-resistant strain. [cheers and applause] >> larry: there we are. okay. so, resistant-strain, why are you so resistant. >> me and antibiotics used to be cool then we grew apart. >> larry: but you should
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effective together. you can cure anything. >> yeah, girl. we have chemistry. literally. >> look, it's not personal. i'm just having a bad reaction to limhim. >> larry: really, what happens? >> first he was only prescribed to me and now he's messing around with everybody. bronchitis, ear infections, stds. just nasty. >> whoa, i'm out here helping people. i don't judge. >> you should. that's cool cause guess what now i'm dating azithromycin. >> you messing with z-pack? >> yep and he's got quite the z-pack, ow! >> larry: guys, this isn't helping. you have to work together.
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>> every time chlamydia calls he goes. >> i'm an antibiotic. what should do i. >> let doxicycline go. >> they're through. >> that's because it's overpr overprescribed. >> larry: if they don't they won't get better. >> yeah, baby. >> i'm just doing my job. >> why you messing around with viruses. >> they all want me like amoxicilliin i need you. >> larry: i don't want to take
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sides here but cran -- antibiotic. it sounds like you should be more picky with your drug interactions. >> why, everybody want me. i'm a wonder drug. >> you going to wonder why you alone. >> larry: it's not about you anymore. people need you they're getting sick. >> yeah, girl. can't we at least be friends with health benefits. >> larry: well? >> yeah, i mean, maybe your right. i can't resist you. actually that's the problem. i can, you made me into a super bug. i don't want to be a superbug. now everybody's going to die. america, the sprint network is now more reliable than ever and i'm on a mission to prove it's the fastest. i'm traveling the country betting anyone and everyone
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i would like three two is standard. i'm not standard. three weeks. ok. >> larry: welcome back. our "the nightly show" contributor mike yard and franchesca ramsey she'll be in
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new york comedian aida rodriguez and for everyone at home join the conversation on twitter at nightly show using the hash tag tonightly. obama was the commencement speaker of howard university a historically black college. he said. >> america is better in every measure then when i graduated college. stay with me now, race relations are better since i graduated. >> larry: he was like, stay with me now. so he kind of posed that as a question there may be thoughts. my question have race relations gotten better or worse since 1993 in your estimation. >> for the president it got good for him. for him it's great for obama. he's the first [bleep]
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president. because obama was talking about obama but what about the rest of us, obama? >> i think it's gotten easier to talk about the issues because of social media. in 1983 all you had was a very special episode of "227." but now you can get on twitter and can confront these things head on. >> i'm with you. it depends on who you're talking to. some will tell you it's better, my man bu-bop will say not. we need work. depends on who you're talking to, that's it because we're still marching, aren't we? >> larry: in what way do you think it's gotten worse. >> i just think it's still the same. we still need a black life matter. it's still necessary to say stop shooting black people. it's necessary still.
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>> i'll play optimist. i'll tell you how you think it's better when my grandmother came from puerto rico in the '50 if somebody did something to her she had to tolerate it and now i can beat some [bleep]? >> larry: the ability to beat this [bleep] has gotten better. i think the media holds people more accountable than they used to and i think it's because we see things more now. >> i think social media holds more. the media never does their [bleep] job. i'm sorry. >> larry: so i think when you look at ferguson to me that exposed what people that's been
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there and people haven't seen than things getting worse. >> i think it's exposed to things we already knew -- >> larry: some people knew. >> black people knew but white people had never seen before. >> what? that just happened last tuesday. it happens every week. >> on the positive side i think the movements have mobilized people and made them feel like their voices mean something. ferguson has their first black police chief now and i think that's people being inspired to get out and make their voices heard. >> i think they do. >> larry: what do you think obama meant when he said be confident in your blackness? >> he meant it's not going anywhere to embrace that [bleep]. everywhere you go, you're going to be reminded so hold on to it. >> i'm hoping it will be the title of his tell-all memoir.
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like i had to keep my blackness hidden and the last year i let it all out. i'm hoping white people will read that book. like it will be super black and just for us. >> larry: super black? use stuff like "word." do you think he was talking about self-esteem like the issues of identity? >> i think all of the above and i have to clarify on the show all the time because people ask me why i weigh in. i'm puerto rican. i'm at the intersection of blackness and latino culture and my puerto ricaness and when he
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talked about trayvon martin there was great penalty. finally he just said, yo, check it out. love me. love yourself. >> larry: i think he was speaking to the fact and people saying you're being divisive. >> i think because they don't understand what it means. they think it's a call to arms or something like oh, he's getting ready to start the race war. no, all it means is embrace the fact you have a unique experience in america you can pull strength from. we've had to struggle from day one in the country and we're still and still fighting to embrace that. and push the bar further up the hill. that's all he's saying. >> larry: to me when i read obama he's a very don't-blame-things type of person.
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i think a lot of what he's saying is don't use anything as an excuse. embrace your blackness and use it as a tool. >> it's a revolutionary act. >> i like how they take obama saying that as dividing the country. like this is where it started. like have you been to a rally and seen a klan meet you know what i mean? it's divided. it's been divided. >> larry: all right. we'll be right back. >> if you live in the new york city area or planning to visit grab free tickets to ♪
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bacon supreme omelet breakfast sandwich, loaded with peppers, onions, and potatoes and topped with two slices of cherrywood-smoked bacon and cheese all on a freshly baked croissant. america runs on dunkin'.
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>> larry: all right. thanks to my panel aida rodriguez and special thanks to donald trump for being here. we're almost out of time. before i go i'm going keep it a


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